There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
