By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
