What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
