It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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