Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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