You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
