when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
