The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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