Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
