he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
