By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
