I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
