My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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