Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
