I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
