I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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