Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
