Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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