I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
