I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
