You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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