DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
