Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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