i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
