No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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