If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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