think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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