I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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