every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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