they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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