saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have tasted many bathrooms
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
