It's Friday. Sex?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
