the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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