My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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