sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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