I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
