i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
