When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
