You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
