All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
