We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
