I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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