No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
