I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
