I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
