whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
