I heard we made out
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
