I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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