There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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