while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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