so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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