Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
