They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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