in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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