Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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