She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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