i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
