im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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