i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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