no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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