Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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