Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
