I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
