Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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