So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
