I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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