Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
