The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
