Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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