Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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