How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
