Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
