At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
