Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
