i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
