you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
