sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
