he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
