there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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